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For mum.
I found out something
Which is quite funny for me
That is, I like to talk with my mum recently
Just like I wanted to share my things and feeling with her
Maybe you will start wondering
I am not close with my mum in the past?
Yup, I admit, I really din't be so close with my mum before
Until now, I just reliaze, I wasted so many years for not having good chat with my mum
I came from a strict family
Or maybe it is just "half-strict" family
My mum and dad wish me to have a good education background
Yet, they din't force me to follow the path that they wished
They always said, you just study till wherever you can, we will support financially, even if we cannot support, then you just come out to work
I admit, I am not a piece of "good wood" that made to be a genius in school
I don't like to study actually
If you give me stress, I can't focus at all
But I can manage to get through my primary school with really flying colors which can make my mum so proud in front of her friends
And I am not an obedient daughter
Most of the time, I made my parents angry with me
Maybe at that time, I always think of myself and neglect the financial situation that they had
During the last year in primary school
There was a trip, for all the last year students to join
I wished I can go at that moment
I told my mum, I wanted to go, I can take out my savings and joined them for the trip
Even my teacher also made a phone call to my mum to ask for permission
But my mum said, you can't go, you are too small to have trip far from your own home
I was, obviously disappointed
I couldn't do anything else, so inside my heart, I started to hate mum
So since that day, I seldom talk to my mum
Sometimes I even throw my anger against she
But she also will scold me for being ignorant and emotional
This situation last for few years
Until the day I went for form 6
Study and live in the place that I am not familiar with
You know, form 6 is really kind of stress life
I still remembered the day before first exam
I really can't stand with the stress I had
I called back home
Told my mum about it
I cried, then she said, if really don't want to study, then just come back, we go up and take back all your belongings
I felt touch at that moment
But, I didn't do so
I told myself, for mum's sake, I will carry on, no matter how tough was it
Then, I ended my form 6 life
I thought we have become closer
But it is not just so simple as I thought
I fall in love with a guy which I can't love
At that time, I thought love will overcome everything
Includes all the problems having in two families
But the truth is not
After some months being with him, he asked me to tell my mum about his existent
Because he don't want me to deceive my mum when everytime I went out with him
He wished to be existed
One day, I had the courage to tell my mum
You know what, she told me, she knew about it long time ago
She got news from it
She said he is not coming from a proper family
And I have to bear in mind that I am soon going into university and he is just a student ended form 5 and working in sg
There was gap between me and him
She asked me to think wise and said she cannot accept
I cried, I don't think education background do make a big difference between me and him
So, I can't go out whenever I liked that time
Because my mum don't want me to meet up with him
We were getting far from each other
More problems happened between us
I still remembered, he told me, every problem can be solve as long as we have love and faith in each other
But he lied.
Due to one misunderstood
He left me, without any proper reason stated and break up through a sms
I am too naive to believe in him
and love that time.
Soon, I get into university
and met my dear
After about half year, I told my mum about dear
She has no more objection with it
She said, think wise, you can still have other better choice
I smiled, she finally believes that I have grown up.
I start to restructure
What my mum said before
Travel during primary school, was really not a benefit for me
because I was too young to recognize all the travel locations
and just waste the money because of wanted to join with friends
I felt lucky now, I didn't spend the money for the trip :)
She forced me not to meet with my ex-bf
because of the education background and etc
I hate her for being unreasonable
Now I understand, what she did for me is good
Now I only understand her intention
Therefore I met my dear now :)
I felt guilty, all the time
When I back home, mum ride motor and came to pick me
She has poor eyesight, hardly to see
When the time at home, I saw her white hairs
Is getting many, but hairs is getting lesser
She has grew old
So now, I will talk more with her
Share with her my things
Keep she updating with my status
Cherish the time for being with her
I miss you, mum
Wish you can be as healthy as before :)
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