I have never think about it. Actually I am just too naive in love. Too naive to believe if I didn't mention, he will know how much I love him. Too naive to believe that there is only love in love. Too naive to believe my love is the strongest one.

I am just too naive for you, for love and for everyone.

What I wanted is a happy month of June. Because I believe this is the month which belongs to me, because I was born in this month. Bad things used to happen on my birthday, and I don't wish it to be happened again. Can I, hope for some little things, I just hope to be happy, everything can just going fine.

Is it this call naive too?

Just now I drive my ah wek (my car's nickname) for dinner. But accidentally scratch its front face with the bar at the entrance. Owhh, so pity. Just few days driving it only, and already adding in scars on its face and body :'( Don't worry, I will learn hard to drive you and wont let you have major injuries one :)

Okie, updates tomorrow. Good night world :)

I have seen one situation, maybe it's not to obvious to be seen.
My friends are less blogging nowadays. Ya, of course it does include me. But I am because of busy then don't have time to blog. But I think most of them just simply forget about blogging.

Yes, sure. Got new phone to play with, got new lappy to play with, got lot of works to do, etc etc.

Maybe I just one of them. Busy working, and forget my actual life. I have been thinking for so long, what I am going to do for the rest of my life?

On this current stage, I should have stable work, but in fact, I am not. I should have stable relationship as well, but in fact, it is not as stable as other people thinking of. I should have earn and save lot of money, but in fact, I do save a lot and I spent a lot too.

How to carry on if it is like that? I wonder..

I prefer a simple life. If I could, or my life makes me, I don't want to have such hactic life. Having freelance work all the day and night. Working on home, typing on keyboard, scrolling with the mouse. Really feel sick with it.

If I could, I wont take so hard on myself. I wish for a better life style which I can't achieve now.

Sigh, I hope, tomorrow will be a better day for me.

I will only cry when I hear this song from the radio.
It touched my heart.
Maybe is because of the lyrics, or the song itself.
It just touched my heart.
Especially when I hear it during my sad time.
I can cry out well.

Don't know been how many times, I cried in office, my working place.
Funny, isn't it?
How can a staff crying in the middle of working, so unbelievable.
But, I just did it.
Maybe, when working, I just cry out as much as I could.
That's my own space after all.

I am now on diet schedule.
Try not to eat oily stuff, food made of carbohydrate, drink lots of water, do slight exercise.
Ya, now I know, I am getting fat.
Got two layers of tires on my stomach area already :(
*sigh*

I like girls talk with my sisters.
They are not my real sisters though.
But, when in the time I am unhappy, they will still be there for me.
To cheers me up, to provide ideas, tells jokes, just want to make me happy.
Thank you to all my darling, not to mention here, but, you are the one who really make me feel comfortable with.
Thanks darling, sweetie :)

Another "cold" night, how to get it over?
I also wonder.

Gonna have long talk here these few days.
Felt like coming back to a fake life.
*sigh*

Boy: I broke up with her.

His Best Friend: What happened?

Boy: She’s just too much for me.

His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

Boy: Well,...for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy: But..Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her.

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you 

were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

Boy: Well, she..

His Best Friend:You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s

broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me? 

His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? 

You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened..

Once again, I broke down.

I don't even know how to explain, how to speak a word, how to face it.

What I wish for, is to find a place and hide myself in.

I am scare to face the reality.

Too cruel.

I know it is bad for me to find out all these, but I have to.

I have the rights to know, isn't it?

I'm not healthy.

I scare, I will just leave the world one day.

Is there anyone out there can be here for me?

When I doesn't feel like talking, feel like laugh or smile?

Anyone?

I used to laugh a lot to cover up all my sadness.

That's my life.

I like this sentence a lot, yet I shared it in fb, and now, I shared it here.

"我可以装傻，但别以为我真傻."

That's just so true, to reflect myself.

Then today I said, I normally have quite accurate sixth sense.

Girls can't be cheated, they may not be as clever as boys are

But something, just can't be avoided from their eyes.

I used to be quiet, for everything that other people does or talk.

Because I know, I can trust them, I understand them.

But some, just can't.

I have met up a lot, a lot of things.

That I should, and I should not know.

I know it is hurt, but I wish I can understand the whole, not just a little part.

I am not that gorgeous as other people thinks.

I am not that simple minded as other people thinks.

I do observe, do see, do hear, do feel whatever I could.

Did you try to deceive me before?

Sorry, you can't.

Because, I know, I just know it.

I write, then I publish.

But then, I review, I delete it.

I write, I publish, I review, I delete it.

Why I kept repeating all these?

Because, I can't let go of this.

My blog seemed to be so emo and moody and full of anger these weeks.

Well, I have to admit that, I have lost control again.

Maybe I need to find something else to distract my attention from him.

I'm just too tension with it.

What have happen to me?

I never behave like that before this.

But why now I can have the same feeling as her?

The more, the tight you hold on something, you will soon lose it.

Will I? Will I soon lose it too?

What I have been protect with all these time?

Why I can hold on so long time?

Because I believe you, I put all my faith on you.

Yet, you doubted it.

When you feel like there will not have changes that you can make, just accept it.

Because it will make you feel less miserable.

He told me,

I always gave myself a "wonderful" memory on our big day.

His birthday, my birthday and now, even anniversary.

I don't even have the courage to post anything on wall

on comment or on pm.

I don't deserve a happy anniversary,

just like my past birthday.

Look at what you have done!

You told me so.

Asked me think properly.

I gave myself a time span.

My mind is in a messed.

Could you help?

Just don't scold anymore.

I need you.

I'm homed :)

So happy.

But in the other hand, felt sad too

Coz have to separate from my dear for 6 days

I'm gonna miss him so much :(

I wish to write some updates for my life

But yet I really have no idea about what to write

Coz my life is really that simple now

wake up -> breakfast -> working -> lunch -> off -> dinner -> working freelance -> sleep

Is that simple?

Yup, it is really that "simple"

So sometimes when I sit in front of my desktop and think

Why don't I find some excitement for my life? Instead of having some kind of "regular, normal, and yet boring life"?

So, I think of traveling, but I got no money :(

So, I think of changing job, but I am quite comfortable with my current job

So, I think of having regular exercise everyday, but I am lazy :(

So, I think of so more freelance job, but I have got no more time for it :(

Haih.

I hope for a release, kind of relaxing myself

Walking in the breeze, breath for new oxygen outside from this area

But, we got no time.

What is so important in our mind?

Ya, is money.

Blogging in the middle of working

haha, maybe I don't know the word of "die"

But, I am quite free here

So just posting something here :)

Tonight is going to have company dinner at KL Sentral

Is to pre-celebrate Hari Raya Aidilfitri

So we together buka puasa tonight

Hehe, waiting for the nice food :)

Ya, been so long time blogging at here

I have many times of experience that I wanted to post something that reflect my real feeling

But there are just thoughts

And can't be shared

I don't want to hurt peoples

I just hope they can understand my feeling

To those who read my blog.

I will have anger, I will have unhappy matters

I wish I can tell at here, but somehow the situation is not allowing me to do so

And sometime I really do feel frustrated

With everything, I wish I can tell, can discuss

But most of the time, I ended up with quarrels, "cold war"

Haih